Yes, this recap is incredibly late. No, I don’t need you judging me judgy, so step off! Okay, sorry, that was uncalled for. I’ll make cranky Nikita take a time out now. Anyway, continue reading on below for more on last week’s episode of MODERN FAMILY.
Phil & Mitchell
Ruh roh. It seems Phil and Mitchell mixed their personal lives with their professional ones in last week’s “Tableau Vivant.” Huge no no. Note to self: never do this. Seeing as this is always a terrible idea, we learned that Phil wanted to relieve Mitchell of his lawyer-ly services from Phil’s real estate company. Unfortunately, he couldn’t muster up the courage to rip off the duct tape and fire the man. Mitch was slacking off and Phil, along with the rest of his company, couldn’t take it anymore.
Phil tried writing Mitchell an uncomfortable email, but he couldn’t find the words. The man never claimed to be a poet. Anyway, his next plan was to let Mitchell go at his own house. Great idea. He waited at his doorstep with coffees at Mitchell’s, never ringing the doorbell to announce his presence. When Mitchell opened the door to leave, Phil came in and tried to cut professional ties. We then came to learn that Mitchell wanted to leave the job as well. He had so many other commitments, that he didn’t have much room for this favor in his life. He claimed that he purposefully turned some documents in late to make it seem that he was doing a less than satisfactory job so it would be easier for him to leave.
At the end of the conversation, they seemed like they were on the same page; Mitchell would no longer be working with Phil. Too bad they were not. Apparently, Phil is not very good at breaking up with people. For example, he tried breaking up with Claire 20 years ago for being a “know it all” and she never got the hint. She probably just thought Phil had a dry eye, blinking problem. Well, now they’re married. Good work Phil.
Hours after his supposed firing, Mitchell came to work telling Phil he’d stay on till July like they discussed. Phil was surprised. His next tactic was to ditch Mitchell “the lazy guy” in an elevator and break the news to him as the doors were closing, so as not to have a discussion about it. Awkwardly, the doors never closed fully. Nothing worse than a freaking malfunctioning elevator door! He was in there for so long that he eventually had to lay down, which according to Mitchell, didn’t help his reputation as a lazy git much.
After a confrontation later on in the episode, the two eventually forgave each other and moved on. He didn’t want to work there in the first place so all was well.
Cam & Claire
Cam and Claire disagreed on some parenting tactics during last week’s episode. Seeing as Lily is a devil child, I’m going to have to deduce that Claire’s methods were better than Cam’s. See, Cam was trying our something new where they try not to tell Lily “no” ever. Instead, they just suggested other activities for her to do when she’s being naughty, like, say, flipping all the switches in the kitchen on and off for hours, including the garbage disposal switch.
This commotion perturbed Claire and rightfully so. All she wanted to do was stop Lily from being THE MOST ANNOYING CHILD IN THE WORLD and give herself some peace. Clearly, Cam’s approach was failing and she was elated. She was especially thrilled when Cam got his hand stuck in the garbage disposal and Lily was inches away from hitting the switch for it. He almost lost an arm and Claire did nothing to help. Turns out, that switch was just for another light. Claire played him big time. Victory!
Yes, this was a lesson learned for Cam, but he was not pleased with Claire’s behavior. She questioned his parenting skills and that’s just not cool. Eventually, they got over it though. It wasn’t worth continuing to fight over.
Jay & Gloria
Jay took Gloria to his favorite deli/diner. He wanted her to try a very special sandwich on the menu: the Jay Pritchett. The sandwich was filled with Turkey, bacon, swiss cheese, red peppers, anchovies all on wheat bread. Honestly, at that point he might as well have had it on white bread. Go big or go home.
Anyway, when the waitress Maxine (Beth Grant) came by to take their order, we learned how close Jay and Maxine are. She knew so much about him, including the fact that he has a neck problem and that his company is about to be audited. Gloria was stunned and jealous, as she didn’t have a clue about any of this. Because of this, she spitefully told Jay she hated the “sangwich.”
He wished she could have been a little more respectful, without being so harsh with her thoughts like Jay. See he always holds back when she’s being really loud. As a result, Gloria whispered her thoughts for the rest of the episode. Whoops, that didn’t go over well. In the end, you guessed it, Gloria realized her faults and joined Jay for a Jay Pritchett sandwich at his favorite deli.
The kids
Both Haley and Luke were pretty dishonest with their family last week. First, Luke informed the audience that he was being honored with a medal for putting out a fire. Little did his teacher and family know that he actually started that fire. Manny, his moral compass, begged Luke to come clean, but he loved the smell of glory and accepted the medal anyway. Tsk tsk.
Then, we found out that Haley was out drinking with her friends and didn’t tell her parents. When her friends were too drunk to drive, she called her Uncle Cam to pick her up and begged him not to tell her folks. He obliged since he was once a kid too. Granted, he was a farmer’s child in Missouri, so their form of rebellion was a scooch different.
Alas, all was revealed during Alex’s Life Imitating Art project at school. She had her family reenact Norman Rockwell’s painting “Freedom from Want.” Seeing as everyone in this painting was mad at one another, it made it very difficult for them not to break character and throw each other under the bus. It also didn’t help that Lily kept trying to steal a turkey leg during this debacle. The worst. That little rug rat cost Alex and A, garnering her a mediocre B-. Pish.
All Alex wanted to do was impress her teacher/crush Mr. Jarvis, who until the end of this episode, didn’t even know her name. In hindsight, I guess he did eventually learn her name, so mission accomplished?
In the end, everyone’s problems were miraculously resolved by the time they got to Jay’s favorite deli as I mentioned above. It felt a little too easy, but hey maybe the Jay Pritchett has magical powers that makes everyone happy and forget their issues. Maybe this episode should have been called “Tabula Rasa” instead of “Tableau Vivant.”
Quotable Quotes:
“Please, she was a gym teacher. She’s to teaching what Dr. Seuss is to medicine.” – Alex to her parents in regards to her former teacher Ms. Davis hating her.
“Maybe that’s what I should be when I grow up; a professional medal getter.” – Luke, creator of “Luketonia.”
“Were you making a sandwich or attracting deer?” – Gloria to Jay about his crazy fattening sandwich.
“It’s like a fish and a turkey bit themselves to death with a pepper.” – Gloria “Okay, fair enough. Maybe a little picky though from someone who prepared a Colombian specialty and said ‘why are you not eating the hooves, it’s the best part.’” – Jay, who seemed offended that Gloria didn’t like his sandwich.
“My senior year, I had a pretty crazy night myself involving a bottle of corn mesh and an overturned plow.” – Cam “Seriously?” – Haley “Yeah, you don’t know terror until you’ve had to stare down the eyes of a Missouri State Trouper and talk your way out of a PUI. “ – Cam, who’s really seen things in his day, including actual hogwash.
“I say no everyday in this house.” – Claire “But at night, she’s a yes machine.” – Phil about Claire’s persona, upstairs vs. downstairs.
“I’m a stress blinker. And what really gets me going is confrontation. Hate it. I avoid it at all costs. Terrible at it. Once I tried to break up with a girl and I danced around it so much she didn’t know I had broken up with her. 20 years later, we’re still married.” – Phil, who’s REALLY bad at breaking up with people apparently.
“Two nerds with one stone. I love working in an office.” – Phil burning both his co workers at the same time. Losers.
“Second best hugger in the world after Mr. Burt Reynolds. Story to follow.” – Phil about Maxine, the waitress at the diner.
“It’s better to carry a tune than a grudge.” – Cam’s advice to Mitchell about getting fired from a favor.
So Reel Vixens, what did you think of last night’s episode? Do you get as stressed as Phil when dealing with confrontation? Whose parenting skills are better, Claire’s or Cams? Sound off in the comments section below!
