The MODERN FAMILY gang took a trip to Disneyland this week and believe you me, it was a treat to see. Mickey sure would have laughed his ears off if you ask me! Annnnnd, I’d like to apologize for what just happened. I don’t know what came over me. Must have been “word vomit.” Because I feel bad about this, keep reading below to relive the awesomely hilar moments from last night’s “Disneyland.”
The Dunphys:
It was day of the Pritchett/Dunphy/Delgado/Tucker visit to Disneyland and needless to say, Phil and Luke were beyond thrilled. So excited, that they were pre measuring Luke’s height to make sure he could ride all the roller coasters until he puked. Looks like he made it! Phil, known as the King of the Roller Coasters, was oh so proud of this moment.
On their way out the door, the Dunphy’s discovered a surprise tagalong guest. His name was Ethan and Claire invited him along to seduce, I mean, to keep Haley company. See her friend Bethany’s son is your token “good kid.” He got a 2200 on his SATs, played the trumpet, and according to Cam, looks like a Tommy Hilfiger model. If Claire were Haley’s age, she would have hit it big time. Well, if she weren’t so into bad boys like Phil that is.
Haley was opposed to the idea of spending the day with Ethan at first. That was until she actually saw him. His dashing good looks changed her mind. Once they were at Disneyland, she was as smitten as a kitten. It didn’t last long though because eventually she ran into her bright and shining ex boyfriend, Dylan, straight off the Dude Ranch. She excited to see him until she found out that Dylan worked at Disneyland as a member of the Dapper Dan quartet. What’s that you say? Just a group of dudes dressed in various colors of rainbow sherbet suits, riding around on a tandem bike. That job actually seemed perfect for Dylan. It was clear the connection between the two was strong and there was nothing Claire or Ethan could do about it. Needless to say, they got back together.
While all the relaysh dramz was going on, Phil and Luke were riding tons o’ roller coasters. Luke had the time of his life. Phil, however, looked as green as something really really green. The guy was not handling the sharp twists and turns of the rides very well. Jay attributed it to old age. That’s why he didn’t ride any coasters. He just sat back and ate pickles. In the end, we found out Phil just had the flu. He caught the sickness from sharing an OJ carton with a couple of work colleagues. Investing in cups would really be a smart move for these guys. The King of the Roller Coasters lives on!
The Pritchett-Delgados:
Oh boy, those Delgados are a handful. But let’s face it, Jay would probably rather deal with their issues than his ex wife Deedee’s any day. Anyway, right before they left for Disneyland, Manny expressed little interest in visiting the park. He wanted very much to stay home and work on his stock market project as he wanted to keep up his lead score. Gloria, always the one trying to bring out his inner child, forced him to go. He was on the phone the whole day like your average stock broker, not enjoying the rides or the pretty girls who showed interest. Manny needed to check himself. Gloria called him out on this and he said he’d try more because giving Winnie the Pooh the cold shoulder is all kinds of “uncool,” to quote Jennifer Anniston.
As for Mrs. Colombia, she did not make the Disneyland trip easy on herself by wearing six-inch stiletto heels for the day. Jay tried to warn her, but she clearly didn’t listen. Towards the end of the day, Jay couldn’t watch her suffer anymore so he brought her “jello” glass slipper slippers. She had never experienced something so comfortable before and she wore them around all day. Jay and Gloria finally realized that the reason she has so much Latin fire and anger inside her is probably because she wears such uncomfortable shoes all the time. Wearing cushiony pillows for shoes made her much more pleasant of a human.
The Pritchett-Tuckers:
Cam and Mitchell had a handful to deal with at the theme park as well this week. That child of theirs, Lily, was a runner and bolted every chance she got. As a result, her two dads put her on a leash or as Cam called it, a “child safety tether.” Side note: I had a leash as a child. Please dear lord tell me I’m nothing like Lily. Please!
Anyway, Mitchell was incredibly embarrassed by this whole situation. Not only did it feel like they were treating their child like a dog, but she woofed like one too. Not good. Mitchell ultimately broke and removed the tether. He put a lot of trust into his daughter and hoped she would do the right thing. Not surprisingly, she didn’t and ran off chasing those GD squirrels, Chip and Dale. After running around all of “Downton Disney” Mitchell finally found Lily, but the problem wasn’t solved. So, Jay took her to the Bippity Boppity store and bought her a pair of heels. She would never move quickly again in those things. Genius.
Quotable Quotes:
“Can’t you and mom go without me?” – Manny “You’re the kid. I think we need you to get in.” – Jay to Manny, who seems disinterested in hitting up Disneyland.
“Really? Those shoes? Do you know how much walking you have to do at Disneyland? Why do you think they have so many fat people on scooters?” – Jay to Gloria who is wearing the highest heels ever for a day trip to an amusement park.
“Lily, heel!” – Jay to Lily as she walks around attached to a leash right before she started woofing.
“Coo coo ca choo Mrs. Robinson.” – Mitchell to Claire after she was being a creep about Ethan.
“You tired of being in those heels?” – Jay “No, you tired of being with a hot wife?” – Gloria as she hobbles off away from Jay.
“I know I can’t run Haley’s life for her, but if she would let me I would be so good at it.” – Claire’s crazy rearing its ugly head.
“I think I just put too big of a whipped cream smile on my pancake this morning.” – Phil, who’s just so sick after riding the roller coasters.
“I haven’t been judged by this many people since I forgot my canvas bags at Whole Foods.” – Mitchell to Cam feeling embarrassed about the leash situation.
“If I thought it would keep my daughter safe, I would have a kangaroo pouch sewn into my midriff.” – Cam “ That’s going to work out really well for you as a single parent.” – Mortified Mitchell to the ever loving Cam.
“Okay, it’s Toon Town not Toonton. You’ve been watching too much PBS.” – Mitchell to Cam about their whereabouts after finding Lily (ha!)
“You thought people were going to judge us before, wait till they meet little miss Anaheim.” – Cam about Lily wearing heels before she’s allowed.
“I don’t want to harsh your day.” – Dylan to Ethan before his parade with the Dapper Dans.
What didja think of this week’s MODERN FAMILY Reel Vixens? Are you sad the season’s almost over? Would you ever put your child on a leash? And, how good did Jay’s pickle look? That was not a euphemism, FYI. Sound off in the comments section below.
